It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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