I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
