I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
