you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
