Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What drink are we having for lunch?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
