That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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