Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
