"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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