sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
