i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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