Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
