if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
