My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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