If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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