dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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