Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
