I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is my life. Enjoy the view
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
