Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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