dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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