Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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