well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
