Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
one might say we're banned from that church
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
