Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
