we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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