Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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