This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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