Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
