The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
