she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
