Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
