actually, I'm a sock model
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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