so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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