If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Less talking, more tequila
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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