shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
