my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
