Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
