I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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