Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
