also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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