i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
