Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
