The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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