i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
