But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
