I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
did i just pee glitter
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
