I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
