Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
