I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
