When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
