Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
