i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
