now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
