the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
