the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The air taste purple.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
