1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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