dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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