You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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