I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
