I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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