When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
