It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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