i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
