This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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