weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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