And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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