my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize