I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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