seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fuck appropriateness.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
