Me too!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
