God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
