Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
