I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
