Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
worst night to have a conscience
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
