They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
