I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
birth control should be required to get into college
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
