Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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