She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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