Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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