my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
