He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
