the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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